How To Stop Saying Yes When You Want To Say No // How To Say No – Productivity begins with personal development and learning not to be a people pleaser. Being able to access consciousness and say no helped me tremendously in my personal branding strategy. In this video, I’m sharing ways to say no!
How do you stop saying yes when you really mean to say, no?
I’m sure this happens all the time. When people ask you to do things and you really don’t want to do them or you don’t want to commit to them. Some people kind of get you to say yes or talk you into something. Then when it comes down to it, you’re like, man, I wish I wouldn’t have had to do this, or I wish I would’ve said no, or even tell somebody else. Ah, I wish I would’ve said no and now you’re trying to figure out how to get out of it.
I used to be that person where I would always be waiting on everyone else. Pretty much saying yes to everyone. I was like the yes chick, and once I kind of started realizing what I was doing, it changed for me, which is what I wanted to talk to you about today.
What’s your end goal?
When I’m trying to figure something out or maybe things aren’t working the way I want or I want to tell somebody yes or no. I always think of what’s the benefit, and I hate to say it, but I always say was the benefit for me.
- What’s the value I’m going to get out of this the end of the day?
- Is it just going to be some peace and happiness in my heart and I’m good with that?
- Am I going to get some kind of money?
- Am I going to be making a move – That long term is going to be really good for my business?
- What is it that you’re saying yes to and what is your end goal? Do they align?
This is something that I do subconsciously – by the way. Well, it’s not really subconscious. I’d actually say I do consciously because I’m constantly thinking, is this person good for me.
- Will this person be helpful for my business?
- Is this person draining on my business, my time?
- Is this thing that I’m going to buy worth my money or can I use this money somewhere else?
Saying yes doesn’t just mean to people. You can be saying yes to buying something. Are you planning or taking action and this was something that was really hard for me.
Be Proactive Instead of Reactive
I was always planning and I always had these great ideas about what I’m going to do and one day this is going to happen and one day that’s going to happen. I was always saying, well, when this happens, then I’ll take action. I can’t really put this into words and easier than to say that there’s always something you can be doing proactively.
Even if you’re waiting like on a video file to upload or something to upload, You can be taking action. You can be doing your titles, descriptions, tags. There’s so many other things that you can start the process on. Maybe you add your video to your blog. You go ahead and get that started. Maybe you have an email that goes out that week.
Whenever you’re talking about trying to get to the next phase of where you’re going and you’re end goal, You really want to be dead centered and focus on
- What can I be doing to get me there and is what I’m doing in this moment?
- Is this thing that I’m saying yes to or no to detrimental to my business?
- Is it helping me get to the next phase or can I be spending my time in a better way?
People Pleasing VS Codependency
So this is kind of personal to me. I may have shared this a while back, but I figured why not go ahead and talk about it. I’m sure some of you also deal with this, but maybe you don’t know the term. It’s called codependency.
If you’re one of those people where you’re always trying to make other people happy and you really are trying to figure out why am I not happy? I went through this for the longest time and I actually had to go like see a psychiatrists or psychologists, I don’t know to call them. But I was sitting in his office one day having a mental breakdown and this was a couple years ago. I just vividly remember it because it completely changed my perspective.
I looked up this word because he mentioned me and he said, you keep telling me how everyone else and all these people, but I never hear anything about YOU and what YOU want. You keep talking about what everyone else wants and how you’re doing all this stuff to make everybody else happy, and so I started thinking about it and I went home and I looked up co-dependency and then like I’ve never went back.
It changed my perspective about what co-dependency is, why I was acting the way I was. I mean it was something that was engraved in me since I was a child that I didn’t realize that like my parents did or people that were around me. So I just kind of like learn to say yes to people. I had to kind of, I guess you’d say grow some balls and that changed my perspective. So now I will say I’m kind of selfish. You always think other people are working on themselves as much as you’re working on yourself and that is totally not true.
Whatever it is, people sometimes are really focused on themselves and not on the end goal or the long term goal. So if you have a big goal in the end that you’re trying to work towards, are all these little things that you’re doing sabotaging that or are they putting you somewhere further ahead to where you want to be?
Keep YOU and Your Best Interest First Priority
The other thing, you always think that other people have your best interests at heart. Especially kind of Me. Like I said, with this codependency thing. I’ve gotten like really better about it, but I always thought, oh, everybody’s working towards a happy place and they’re all just wanting to cheer me on and make my business go great. And that’s not exactly true. So I learned that the hard way. So I went from being a yes girl, to a NO girl, so I’m a no girl. And like I said, I was always planning around other people and their plans and now I actually planned around what I want to have happen.
And I say, you know what? I’m trying to write a book or get a video out. The things that I want to have happen to make that goal a reality. Have to go down at a certain day and certain time or within a certain time frame for me to be satisfied and for everything to stay on track because there’s also other people that are involved in on process, so if one thing goes awry, there’s all these other little ripples that happen that sometimes people never see.
You want to be consistent, which is one reason why I even said, hey, I want to be a better person. I’m going to start posting more often or frequently one to get better, faster. Even at my time, like I’m trying to get faster at my time on recording, not to be quick, just to be better and just more normal when I’m talking to the camera because I really want it to feel more like I’m talking to a person versus just speaking to thin air.
Even know I am speaking to thin air most of the time when I really wish that we were talking face to face, we kind of are, but I wish we were really talking face face, Consistency. I’m trying to post more frequently. Like I said, if you haven’t subscribed subscribe. I’m Brandi of blogginBrandi.com so I share tons of resources about business, branding, social media, how you can make all of these things work in one big circle for your business.
Business Updates & What’s Next…
I figured I’d share some business updates to… What am I working on this week organization. I’m trying to get organized this week. I’ve been working on that, but I really have been trying to get a system together and for most of you that don’t have been recording on the road or uh, maybe had some pre schedule content, but I’ve been gone for about half the month to San Diego and I flew across the country and then drove back across the country.
It’s a whole other story which I might share with you if you’re interested in that tell me. And I might bring that along or do another channel I don’t know. Focusing on my end goal now is really my book. I have a book, I mentioned it long time ago and said it would be out I think in January and February, but I really am going to put it out now. I suck and I hate that I didn’t show up, but I really do want to put this book out. It’s about branding. I’ll be sharing more details as they unfold. I have a lot being plan behind the scenes and people that I’m talking to and working with so much going on, so I’m trying to get back to all my emails that I’ve been kind of distant from. That’s pretty much it. Now you know how to say no instead of yes.
When you’re really saying yes, but you may know I’m teaching you how to say no. Hopefully this is kind of giving you some perspective about what helps me do my thing, so hopefully I can start sharing more this. Maybe we’ll do this on Sundays. I’m going to be posting more often.
Don’t forget to Share your Thoughts:
I want to hear what your end goal is? So what are you working on? Are you trying to sell a product or trying to sell a service? Do you sell a product or service? Put that in the comments below and make sure to subscribe. I’m might be featuring you in one of my next videos answering your questions or commenting about those because I really want to hear what you have to say.
I’m Brandi of BlogginBrandi.com, where you can find tons of free resources to help you brand your business. You can connect with me, see what I’m working on, and you can get even more here on youtube to make sure to subscribe somewhere down below, and I’ll see you in the next video. Thanks for watching.
SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss an episode 👉 http://bit.ly/BBYTsub
Also published on Medium.